The Quest For Fulfilment
By
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© Copyright, Grantley Morris, 1985-1996.
For much more by the same author, see www.net-burst.net
No part of these writings may be sold, and no
part may copied in whole without citing this entire paragraph.
In Australian Spelling
Chapter 20: Turning Barrenness
Into Blessing
She was ashamed. She was tormented. She was barren. Her husband
tried to console her. 'You already have a vocation,' he virtually
told her. Yes, Hannah was a beloved wife. Hundreds of lonely,
rejected women would be content with that, but not Hannah. She
could know no peace until she had borne a child. (1 Samuel 1:1-8)
This yearning for a baby arose from within, was fuelled by her
society's attitude and further intensified by her rival - her
husband's second wife. Ultimately, however, I believe the pressure
was from God.
'And she was in bitterness of soul, and prayed unto the Lord,
and wept sore. And she vowed ... , "O. Lord of hosts, if
you will ... give to your handmaid a man child, then I will give
him to the Lord all the days of his life ..."' (1 Samuel
1:10-11)
It seems the Lord had long been waiting for this degree of commitment.
Perhaps reaching this point sooner would have shaved years off
her wait. Nonetheless, to her vow of consecration she added faith.
Before any tangible sign of answered prayer 'her countenance was
no longer sad'. (1 Samuel 1:18) Years of anguish fostered prayer,
devotion, and now, faith. A miracle was hurtling toward this planet.
(1 Samuel 1:20)
That's how God moves. Isaac, Israel, Joseph, Samson, Samuel and
John the Baptist were all born to women who had been barren. (Genesis
18:11; 25:21-26; 30:22-24; Judges 13:3; 1 Samuel 1:20; Luke 1:7,
13) Barrenness forced these women to exceptional fervour in praying
for conception. Little wonder that they conceived exceptional
children.
Hannah nurtured the babe till he was weaned (probably, by Hebrew
custom, about three years). She then plunged a knife into her
heart, severing herself from her flesh and blood. Custody battles
involving surrogate mothers expose the faintest echo of her agony.
If the bond at birth can be strong, it was three years harder
for Hannah. And this was her only child.
But the beautiful story continues. The Lord, having inspired her
heart-rending vow, flooded her with blessings. Her reward went
beyond giving birth to a son. It went beyond proudly viewing the
development of one of the greatest men of God earth has seen.
And it went beyond her acclaim ringing round the globe, generation
after generation extolling her devotion. There were further treasures,
but the path was steep.
As she surrendered to the priest the fruit of her womb, Hannah
jubilantly sang, 'The barren has borne seven.' (1 Samuel 2:5)
Oh Hannah! Whatever do you mean? You have no abundance - only
one, and even he has been torn from you.
Year by year she made a little robe for the child who was no longer
hers. Every stitch was impregnated with love and thanksgiving,
but many were dampened with tears for the child she longed to
hold, but could not. Once a year she would journey to the house
of God and hand over the robe - a pitifully small gift for the
little boy she longed to wait on day and night. At each visit
the priest would ask God's special blessing upon this precious
mother. And God heard. Radiance burst through the tears of sacrifice.
That once-barren lady gave birth to three more sons and two daughters.
(1 Samuel 2:19-21) Her glory was complete. Yes, the Lord made
her like other mothers as she had always wanted, but first he
had exalted her above other mothers.
Hannah's vow of surrender unleashed the power of God. Is your
life at a stalemate because heaven is awaiting a new depth of
consecration from you? Search your heart and God's mind for an
answer.
But never make rash vows. Always add, 'if it be God's will.' Otherwise,
the vow, not Jesus, is our Master. Our humanity makes it impossible
to know we have every eventuality covered. We may be certain our
vow is divinely inspired and later discover to our horror that
we have misheard. Even after careful consideration, it is usually
best to bind ourselves merely to try to do it. Though such
a resolve seems insipid, the Bible exposes the perils of disregarding
this warning. Unless you are convinced of the gravity of this
matter, I beg you to study the relevant Scriptures. (Compare Deuteronomy
7:1-2 with Joshua 9:4-20; note also Judges 11:29-35; Psalm 15:4;
Proverbs 20:25; Ecclesiastes 5:2,4-6; Leviticus 5:4; 27:28; Acts
5:3-5) Commitment is the key, not a rush of well-meaning words
that flare and fizzle.
Ending barrenness involves being intimate with the one we love.
We can think this a chore, and turn it into one, but it is meant
to be delightfully fulfilling. Many times in this book I have
had to cite intimacy with God - waiting on him, communing with
him - as the answer to various aspects of our barrenness. We can
treat this as a burden - struggling, straining and afflicting
ourselves - or we can unleash love and let snuggling into the
heart of God become the beautiful experience he intends it to
be. To wish we could know everything about our calling without
spending hours alone with God is to wish we could trade the pinnacle
of human experience for the clinical coldness of some sort of
spiritual in-vitro fertilisation.
Since Hannah's experience blends many of the principles of entering
fruitful service, let's recycle them, giving our minds the final
rinse.
God's woman turned barrenness into a blessing not by suppressing
her desires but by letting it bring her to her knees and to a
rare level of commitment. Despite her husband's pleas, she would
settle for nothing less than God's best. And God, in his grace,
would settle for nothing less than her best. Creature and
Creator wrestled in prayer until she finally yielded, reaching
heights of devotion fertile women seldom know. Then she believed
before seeing the answer. Closing her mind to a thousand previous
failures, she again tried to be fruitful. Even when she held her
dream in her arms, she did not slacken in her spiritual quest.
She praised her Lord and mixed it with more faith. She kept her
costly vow. She gave no space to bitterness. Without overstepping
the mark, she faithfully did the little she could to serve the
son who now was God's. Finally, the Lord poured upon her an abundance
beyond her fondest hopes.
So if life seems barren, emulate Hannah and 'Sing, O barren, ...
for more are the children of the desolate than the children of
the married wife, says the Lord.' (Isaiah 54:1)
All service should be an act of worship; the overflowing of a
heart brimming with love; a cascade of joyous thanksgiving to
your wonderful Saviour.
Picture Mrs. Average plodding away at the chore of baking a cake.
Contrast this with a starry-eyed young wife, joyfully, almost
reverently, pouring her love into a cake for the man of her dreams.
See her striving for perfection, longing to thrill the object
of her love. This will be more than a cake. Her sights are set
on a work of art, a mouth-watering masterpiece, a culinary monument
to love, meticulously fashioned to transport her man to gastronomic
ecstasy. On wings of love, a mundane task soars to ethereal heights.
Make God the husband in our parable and we catch the spirit of
all ministry, whether it be handing out hymn books or facing martyrdom;
visiting sister Jane, or dispelling heathen darkness. Moreover,
serving God is far more satisfying than our parable suggests.
The bride's joy may be crushed by her husband failing to perceive
the love in the cake. But every loving deed directed to heaven
will be treasured in the heart of God forever. And serving God
is not nearly as solitary as the bride's activity. Ministry is
the height of intimacy. It is God and you in exquisite harmony
bringing heaven to earth. It is your spirit mingled with God's
Spirit flowing out to a needy world. After refreshing the land,
bringing life to desert sands, it ascends in clouds of adoration
to heaven's throne.
Ministry is giving heaven your very best because you know your
King is worthy of nothing less. And it is giving earth more
than your best because you trust your Lord to surpass your natural
gifts. It is giving to God everything possible and achieving through
him things impossible.
Yes, ministry involves effort, you throw everything you have into
it, but ministry is more than sweat. It is offering your life
as clay to the Sculptor, saying in loving submission, 'Here I
am Lord, create your masterpiece.'
Faith is not escapism; it's inspiration to face problems head-on.
If we're all wishbone and no backbone, we're in trouble. We can
waste our whole lives, vainly imagining we will have an outstanding
ministry 'one day'. We have no right to expect a ministry tomorrow
unless we are moving towards it today. That means praying, planning,
training. It means poring over the Scriptures. It means taking
risks and continually looking to the sky to see if now is the
time to take off.
Even if it takes years to come together, an outstanding ministry
is never far away. It's as close as the prayer that you breathe.
It's in your dreams and your labours; in your heart and your faith.
It was the end of a day and I was walking behind two office workers.
Said one wearily to the other, 'Another day, another dollar.'
I inwardly concurred. My work is such drudgery. From the moment
I start, I look to its end - the end of the day, the end of the
week, the end of ever having to come to this place. It's outside
those hours that I 'live'; it's then that I do things of value.
But my eavesdropping wasn't over. With mock despair, her companion
added, 'Another day closer to the grave.' That shook me. He's
right! How could I wish a day away? I will never get it back.
'Another day closer to the grave.' If only those words could be
tattooed into my brain. 'One of the illusions of life,' said Emerson,
'is that the present hour is not the critical, decisive hour.'
I must wring full value from every opportunity, no matter how
wretched. If God gives me greater opportunities tonight or tomorrow
or next year, that's marvellous, but now is the time to
glorify my Lord. To say 'tomorrow' is to borrow time that isn't
mine.
I'm told that Peter Ball, English monk-turned-bishop, begins each
day by telling the Lord, 'This is the best day there's
ever going to be in my life.' The notion horrifies me. Today,
the best day of my life? Perish the thought! Today, while
I'm still serving my sentence as a useless cog in a meaningless
machine? Today, while I'm thrashing with all the frenzy
of a wild animal caught in the cruellest of traps? Today?
Today.
It's better to visit a house of mourning, says Scripture, than
a place of enjoyment. (Ecclesiastes 7:2) A party lulls us into
wasting precious, God-given moments. A stroll through a cemetery
spurs us to invest in eternity while we still have breath.
Jettison an 'I will be happy when ...' mentality. 'Rejoice evermore'
commands Scripture, and it starts today. God is a 'now' God and
his people must be 'now' people.
Let's seize every opportunity to magnify our Maker. We need special
circumstances far less than we need special dedication. During
the American Civil War 'Uncle' John Vasser laboured long hours
near the battle lines in personal evangelism to up to a hundred
individuals a day. His capture made so little difference that
the enemy general released him with the command, 'Take this man's
promise that he will not tell of our whereabouts for twenty-four
hours, and let us see him out of our lines, or we will have a
prayer-meeting from here to Richmond.'
Hunt for opportunities to serve. Throw yourself whole-heartedly
into everything God gives you, no matter how trivial.
Soldiers train by slaving at apparently useless chores. They relinquish
civilian pleasures when the front line is half a world away. They
obey silly orders, attack dummies, run till near exhaustion when
neither attacking, nor being pursued. You are being steeled for
valour; primed in every fibre of your being. Your Trainer is working
powerfully no matter how empty your present service seems. At
the right time you'll be in peak condition; in Christ invincible.
Despite my relentless longing to share these truths, it hurts
to let this book be published. The more I work on the book, the
more immersed in its truths I become. It's continually washing
away layer after grimy layer of negativity and buoying me ever
higher. I hate the thought of this process ever ending, but dour
experience affirms that it will - soon after I put the book down.
I have had to re-read it scores of times to halt my slide back
into the bog. And still I need it.
Though my need is chronic, I doubt if the mildest affliction could
be relieved forever through one reading of this book. I expect
you to feel better after a single dose but regular doses
are essential for a permanent cure. So I urge you to keep this
book handy, even after completing it. Long-term problems need
long-term solutions. I covet a new life for you, not just a momentary
easing of the pain. Experience suggests you will need this book
year after year. We never reach the point where temptation leaves
us forever.
Negative thoughts have been roosting in our heads, pecking away
at the fruit beginning to form in our lives. We've shooed these
pests away, but they will stealthily return. That's our cue to
skim through the book again. Highlight the parts that especially
speak to you or uplift you. Personalise them. Write them out.
Display them. Memorise them. Add to them. Share them. Live them.
They will keep the vermin away and bring you to new levels of
fruitfulness.
Find ingenious ways to kept in your consciousness truths you particularly
need. At work I must set and use several computer passwords. I
might say to myself I will praise the Lord at all times,
while typing the first letter of each word. IWPTLAAT then becomes
my new password. No one could guess such an apparently random
string of letters and I can remember it only by rehearsing in
my mind that positive declaration every time I must use it. Perhaps
you could put a little heart somewhere to remind you how much
you are loved by God. There are thousands of possibilities. Finding
some that work for you will be well worth the effort.
I'd be thrilled if my expressions sometimes help. I have tried
to shape them to stick in slippery memories. But don't be chained
to my words. Using your words will help the truths become yours.
And don't be confined to the paltriness of my insight. Hound God
with the passion and confidence of a cherished lover until you
receive your own Bible-based, Christ-centred revelations.
No matter how hot it's served or how much it's sweetened, second-hand
revelation is as insipid as second-hand tea leaves unless the
Holy Spirit comes upon you, exploding those words within you with
such power that it becomes your own divine encounter. A hand-me-down
word from God might bring a little refreshment, but a truth super-charged
by the Spirit of God percolating through one's life is so superior
that no cost is too high a price to pay for it. Fervent prayer
and Bible meditation is the usual price.
Though I have prayed incessantly that this book bless you as much
as it has me, I fear I'm asking God to break one of his principles.
Why should he command us to seek and to ask and devote our lives
to poring over Scripture unless that's the way he prefers to reveal
his truth? It is truths in the heart, not words in a book, that
set us free. And lodging them there takes spiritual and mental
effort. I crave the joy of serving you by doing all the prayer
and study, but that's like trying to play tennis for you - I get
the healthy exercise and you miss all the fun.
John Towy was so short you might wonder why he bothered to line
up. He competed against men whose elbows would literally hit his
head as he ran. Once he entered a two-mile race - twenty-two laps
of an indoor board track so cut up that it was mainly splinters.
After the first half a lap, tragedy struck. His shoe came off.
It was the end of the race for Towy. No one can compete against
champions, with only one shoe. Yet he kept running: one leg now
effectively shorter than the other; splinters, like fiery darts,
shooting into his foot. Resisting the pain, closing his mind to
the sheer insanity of it, he pressed on, lap after lap after lap.
At the end of lap twenty, he took the lead. A lap later, still
in front, gold seemed a certainty. Then Forest Efaw, towering
eleven inches taller than Towy, began to close in. Efaw gave it
everything he had. Towy kept pumping those aching legs; pounding
that paining foot. The finish, was just feet away. Towy was still
ahead; Efaw still gaining. Just before the tape, Efaw burst through
to win by a foot (take whatever way you like).
If athletes do such things, often without Christ, just to prove
they can rapidly put one leg in front of the other, then I can
hardly wait to hear what you will accomplish, empowered by the
Spirit, eyes fixed on eternal goals.
We should not demand iron-clad guarantees of success before attempting
something big for the Almighty. What value can we place on one
human soul? (Psalm 49:7-8; 1 Peter 1:18-19) The slightest possibility
of winning someone for Christ should be enough to set us ablaze.
We must resist the urge to play safe and bury our talent. (Matthew
25:25)Why let fear of failure immobilise us? Look not at the impossibility
of the situation; look at the impossibility of God ever failing.
Like Peter walking the waves, if we begin to sink, Jesus is there,
ready to grasp our hand.
Work hard. Make financial, social and recreational sacrifices,
like an athlete training for Olympic gold. Invest time and effort
into a ministry that is presently non-existent. That's faith in
action. That's following the path of the good and faithful servant.
In submission to God, ears tuned to heaven's frequency, such risks
are honouring to God. You're investing in eternal glory.
Worship
In Christ invincible
A cure, not an aspirin
Surging toward the goal
Born in despair; reborn to conquer.
Lost in defeat; saved to triumph.
Destined for greatness,
Bound for glory,
Held in love,
Girded with truth,
Filled with might;
Free the slave,
Heal the sick,
Raise the dead,
Astound the world.Out on a limb for God
Grub, stretch your wings;
Worm, you're gonna fly.
Dunce, astound the school.
Slave, prepare to rule.
Cleaner, address the throng.
Welder, inspire with song.
Plumber, rebuke that cancer.
Mother, kings you'll counsel.
Stone, you're gonna sparkle;
Rock, you're solid opal.
More exciting webpages by Grantley Morris:
[Ministry of Music]
[Handling Guilt]
[Evangelistic Pages]
[Is God using these sites?]
[ More!]
netburst@net-burst.net Looking forward to your mail!
(Please mention which of the web pages you are referring
to, and ensure your return E-mail address is correct.)