The Quest For Fulfilment
By
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© Copyright, Grantley Morris, 1985-1996.
For much more by the same author, see www.net-burst.net
No part of these writings may be sold, and no
part may copied in whole without citing this entire paragraph.
In Australian Spelling
Chapter 7: Don't Panic - God At Work
He looked serious. 'Grantley, can I be frank?'
'I guess you can be Frank. Can I be Harry?'
He was not amused. 'So I'm charged with divine power, eh? Ready
to explode into ministry, eh?'
'You've got it!' I replied.
'Well, I must have the world's longest fuse! I've been shelved
for so long if I were allergic to dust I'd have sneezed to death!'
The last time I blessed anyone was two years ago - '
'I remember that,' I interrupted. 'You lost your voice at choir
practice.'
'Why didn't someone say something! All they did was mutter about
my height when they kept pushing me to the back away from the
microphone. And are you sure my little accident last month has
nothing to do with my name disappearing from the communion roster?'
'I haven't heard. I know that cleaning incident -'
'Aw, you're not bringing that up again? It was just a slip of
the broom. She was only in hospital overnight.'
'Could have happened to anyone,' I replied. 'And who'd have guessed
that at your very first attempt at counselling -'
'It's been settled out of court.' He was almost smiling. 'Only
a matter of time and we'll be on speaking terms again.'
'That's the spirit!'
'But don't tell me "Rome wasn't burnt in a day," Grantley.'
Face it, no matter what Scripture says, we could both write our
achievements on the same postage stamp and have room left over
for the Lord's prayer, the twenty-third Psalm and the entire book
of Revelation.'
He's right. And we're in excellent company.
Having surmounted enormous obstacles and years of preparation,
Adoniram Judson arrived on the mission field. Seven hard years
followed. All he had to show for it was one convert. It was about
time he moved on to something more beneficial - peddling hair
curlers at a Bald is Beautiful convention, developing waterproof
pianos for people who sing in the shower, fitting parachutes to
birds that are afraid of heights - anything but trying to win
souls in Berma.
One day a man came to his house looking for work and instead found
Jesus, his Saviour. Another pin prick. But this one burst the
balloon. The new convert became a powerful evangelist. Dozens,
then hundreds, then thousands turned to the Lord. Within a century,
over a quarter of a million Christians directly or indirectly
owed their spiritual lives to Adoniram Judson.
But that's eternity's view. Years after that key conversion, Adoniram's
life still seemed a waste. He was thrown into a death prison and
chained to a granite block. Every night guards, ex-criminals themselves,
hoisted his ankle fetters high above his head so that only his
head and shoulders touched the ground. As he lay in appalling
filth, almost every thought produced a new reason for despair.
There were then only eighteen converts. Surely most, perhaps all,
would fall away or be killed under the new outbreak of persecution.
Years of struggle had produced a lone manuscript of a Burmese
New Testament and his wife had smuggled it into prison. Any moment
it could be discovered and destroyed. His relations with fellow
missionaries had been marred by hurtful clashes. He had buried
his only child. His own life hung by a thread. He feared for his
darling, pregnant wife.
'I came to bring life,' he moaned, 'and have brought nothing but
death.'
After a year and a half of cruelty he was finally released. A
brief reunion with his precious wife ended with him having to
wrench himself from her to assist in political negotiations. Weeks
turned to months. Before he could return to his wife, she was
dead. Months later, death tore from him his only remaining child,
the baby he had battled so hard to save. After two more years
of mental deterioration, still numb with guilt over being absent
when his wife most needed him, he dug a grave and lingered by
it for days on end, his mind churning with morbid thoughts. 'God
is to me the Great Unknown,' he concluded. 'I believe in him,
but I find him not.'
The mighty Lord hauled him up. He became one of the most admired
missionaries of all time.
Sadly, not everyone slogs through the tough ground-breaking years.
David Flood's solitary convert was just a child. When David's
wife died, discouragement won. Leaving his baby daughter, Aggie,
with a missionary couple, young David left Africa - and the Lord.
After the collapse of his second marriage he took in a mistress.
Alcohol, poverty, illness and degradation tightened their deadly
strangle-hold.
As his abandoned daughter grew, married and served the Lord, she
often thought of the father she had never known. He was 77 when
Aggie finally stood at his grimy bedside, ignored the stench,
and hugged him. Her love and Christ's power brought David back
to the One who had moved him to 'waste' his life in Africa. Aggie
also brought startling news. That little convert he had left in
Africa had built on the foundation David and his wife had laid
and the entire tribe of 600 people had come to Christ.
It's not only missionaries who are allowed to have lean years.
This grub, wings will sprout.
Founded on his Word;
Before him lay joy and honour, a long and fruitful life, double
his past prosperity and the fathering of a superb new family.
(Job 42:11-17; compare Job 1:2-3) Job had everything to live for.
Like vine branches, we are not continually laden with fruit. That
would be unnatural. (Ecclesiastes 3:1) For a significant portion
of its life, a grapevine is nothing but a dry, twisted stick;
fruitless, useless for shade, worthless as timber; to all appearances
fit only to be ripped from the ground and reduced to ashes. Yet
those barren times are as vital in the life of the vine, as the
seasons of fruit.
If spring could tip-toe past nature without stirring it from
its winter slumber; if the sun could slip through the sky without
dispelling the night; if rain could fall to the ground without
bringing life to the desert - only then should you fear dry times,
dark times, lean times. Though you feel as useless as a fur coat
in a heat-wave, the time will come when your warmth is treasured.
For everything there is a season.
We could stock a library with stories of spectacularly unsuccessful
men and women who eventually sparked massive moves of God. Many
closed their eyes in death without seeing the fruit their labours
finally produced.
No matter what we think of his views, it is staggering to realise
that Søren Kierkegaard's writings slept for almost a century
after his death until translated into English and suddenly stunning
the world. And consider the Jim Elliots of this world whose apparently
untimely deaths have inspired countless thousands to take up the
baton and run in their stead. Though they died seemingly at the
very outset of their life's work, the final result was beyond
what a dozen lifetimes could achieve. Still more tantalising are
heaven's best-kept secrets - triumphs by people we have never
heard of, or achievements our slow minds cannot adequately appreciate.
Nonetheless, God established the pattern millenniums ago: Sarah
knew nothing but barrenness for ninety distressing years, yet
became the ancestress of multiplied millions.
At this very moment, the Lord could be replaying in someone's
mind heaven's recording of a conversation you had with that person
years ago. You've forgotten the incident, but God is still using
it. What you thought were normal words were Spirit-powered. You
don't feel the warm glow that would be yours if you knew those
words were still echoing through the chambers of someone's mind,
but face it: results mean more to you than elusive feelings.
Clearly, the crucial issue is not what God has so far accomplished
in our lives. God took twice as long preparing Moses as he did
in using him. (Deuteronomy 2:7; 34:7) Joshua's experience was
similar. (Numbers 14:30, 34; Joshua 1:1-2; 24:29) For the Messiah
- and perhaps his Baptist forerunner - it was about thirty years'
preparation for three years ministry. In fact, much of Christ's
ministry was packed into the last few days. (Eg, John 12:1 ff;
Mark 11:1 ff) Samson accomplished more in his last seconds than
in all the rest of his life. (Judges 16:30)
Wine has a longer shelf life than prune juice.
Even for the Christian, life can seem a sadistic joke. In reality,
our circumstances are determined by infinite love met by infinite
wisdom empowered by infinite might. (Lose sight of that and life's
a muesli bar - all mixed up and nutty.)
We need not flinch from hardship. In a mollusc's slimy gut a speck
becomes a pearl. In the bowels of the earth oppressive conditions
turn blobs into diamonds.
If our ministries are at present less than outstanding, there
is a reason for it. A good reason. The possibilities are numerous,
but usually surprisingly simple. Rarely are God's ways so beyond
us that we cannot, at least in hindsight, marvel at his wisdom.
Discovering the reasons for your plight should flood your life
with light, liberating you into the joyful expectancy, confidence
and trust your Lord wants you to enjoy. Let's explore the possibilities.
I think you'll find that jigsaw piece you've been missing.
Since any blockage will stop the flow, we won't attempt to rank
them in any particular order.
Moses was in 'the backside of the desert', says the King James
Bible. (Exodus 3:1) I'd steer clear of that expression, but there
might have been times when Moses was tempted to use it. The desert
drop-out stood before the burning bush a broken man, haunted by
his inadequacy. (Exodus 4:10-14) He was so long in the tooth ivory
hunters must have started asking after his health. And excuses!
When God called him, this word-masher's comeback was packed with
more 'buts' than a church pew on Easter morning. As he tried to
stammer home his point he even had the audacity to imply that
his deficiencies were bigger than God. What's a stutter to the
One who fashions mouths? What's a mental block to the Maker of
minds?
Poor old tongue-twister - one foot in the grave, and the other
in his mouth. Yet it was Moses the word-slurping geriatric, not
Moses the headstrong royal, who was on the brink of greatness.
Forty years earlier, fresh from his Egyptian education, strong
in body, high in status and political pull, he was keen to help
God's people. But heaven had no use for a budding superstar. Heaven
was waiting for a bumbling sheep-minder.
Viewed from the final side of the grave, everything tackled in
one's own strength fizzles. (Compare John 15:5) Only through God
could Moses' splash in time ripple for all eternity. Perhaps it
took the full forty years for this realisation to become an unshakeable
conviction, but it was worth the wait. It became the secret of
Moses' strength, ridding him of the arrogant independence that
would otherwise have fouled his service. He was the meekest man
on earth. (Numbers 12:3 ff) This precious quality is adorned with
exquisite promises.
'The meek will he guide ...
'The meek will increase their joy in the Lord.' (Isaiah 29:19)
'The meek will inherit the earth.' (Matthew 5:5)
Humility - joyous dependence upon the Lord - is the road to honour.
(Proverbs 15:33 b; James 4:10; 1 Peter 5:6-7) The glitter at the
end of other roads is a mirage. (Luke 14:11; Proverbs 16:25)
There was a young man with rashes;
(If you wrote poetry like this, you'd be humble, too.)
The issue of pride and humility is a deathtrap strewn with confusion
and false concepts. Let's clear this minefield before anyone else
is hurt. We'll begin with the analogy of a lamb in Bible times.
There's a pride that says, 'I can find better pasture than the
Shepherd. I'll always find water. I can handle bears, and lions
are probably a myth invented by the Shepherd so he can dominate
me.'
Few of us are in danger of such stupidity. Our danger is the independent
spirit that says, 'I adore my wonderful Shepherd, but that grass
over the rise looks particularly juicy. I'll just wander over.
I'm growing up. I've been out of sight before and everything went
fine. If a lion comes I'm sure I can bleat loud enough and the
Shepherd can run fast enough ...'
There's an attitude masquerading as humility that beats itself
miserable. 'I'm dumb. I'm ugly. I'm hopeless.' Give no room to
this imposter. But there's a humility that rejoices in the certainty
that the Shepherd knows best. Having abandoned faith in itself
or in luck, it puts all its hope in the Shepherd, believing that
to leave him out of sight for a second is to flirt with disaster.
This virtue hugs the Shepherd, delighting in his every whisper,
feasting on his goodness. Sometimes humility is led over rocky
terrain but ultimately it enjoys the best pasture and the highest
security. Not only is it not mauled by predators, it produces
the best wool and the best offspring. It sometimes staggers up
hills to stay with its Shepherd but it frolics in the warmth of
the Shepherd's love.
The shadow of his affliction fell across his life like a black
and bottomless chasm. Reeling under hellish torment, bereft of
all his children, cruelly stripped of his reputation, all of his
possessions gone, Job coveted death. As far as the eye could see,
there was nothing ahead but pain, accusations and despair. Job
had nothing to live for. (Job 3:1-26; 6:9, 11) Or so everyone
thought.
Hounded by defeat,
Immersed in gloom.
Confounded by a curse,
Scorned and spurned.
Haunted by despair,
Mocked by words of doom.
My eyes may fill with tears,
But not with dread or fear.
This down-trodden worm will soar;
Transformed by redemptive power,
Set free by the Lord of all.
No one sees it yet:
The secret's heaven-kept.
They mock and jeer
They do not know;
Success is slow, but it is sure;
Though it tarry, it will come.
All Father touches turns to gold.
It matters not what others say,
The winning's done;
Like Father, like son!
Embalmed by love.
Surrounded by his arms;
Washed and warmed.
Granted all I need,
Buoyed by thoughts above:
From fear I find release,
Becalmed by heaven's peace.
Apprenticeship
Glorious failure
The meek will he teach his way.' (Psalm 25:9)
All that he touched turned to ashes.
Yet marigolds, azaleas,
Lily bulbs, and dahlias,
All grew in those wonderful ashes.