I had commenced my Christian walk greatly enjoying the ‘feelings’ of being saved and filled with the Holy Spirit. In those early days God graciously pandered to my insecurity. For example, I would be driving along worrying about my relationship with God when a car with a Scripture on the back would drive in front that would speak to my situation. My mistake was to not move beyond this. I got caught up in wanting God to confirm spiritual truths by outward signs and feelings, instead of simply trusting his Word.

Eventually, I started having cars coincidently turn up with ‘666’ or ‘H3LL’ in the license plate, when I was feeling low. I would walk into a bookshop and my eyes would fall on a headline or book with either ‘hell’ or ‘666’ or ‘devil’ in the title. I would fill with dread and fear, and the more I feared it, the more it occurred.

Once, I woke up at exactly 11:34. From the angle I was at, combined with the way digital letters are made on alarm clocks, it read to me H3LL. You may think I was mad but I could tell of hundreds of such occasions that go beyond mere coincidence.

I tried to explain it to other Christians. They said it was just condemnation, but I could never truly accept that. I thought I had been rejected of God. Once I was in a car park praying that God stop this from happening, and the moment I opened my eyes the car that drove into the car park in front of me had ‘666’ in the number plates. My neighbor got a car that had ‘666’ in the number plate. One also turned up where I work. I suffered such anxiety over these things that it caused health problems including colitis, which is stress related, and heart palpitations.

Deeply disturbed, I found it hard to understand how, if this was the devil, he could make certain cars turn up at just the right time, such as on Sunday, just after an encouraging sermon service. Did he really have power to do this? Why was God allowing this to happen? Was God saying I am dammed?

Once I was in a meeting and the preacher called me forward, saying God had given him a word for me. I had never heard nor met the preacher before. He said I was being attacked by a spirit of condemnation and fear. It was amazing how God spoke to me through this. At the time, it brought great relief, enabling me to realize that God really loved me and had not rejected me. But it only lasted for a while. Then it all started again.

Gradually, however, I came to realize that it was a ploy of the enemy to try to keep me from trusting God and to make me withdraw from God in fear. I’ve learnt that feelings cannot be relied on and that God wants us to believe him, taking him at his Word.

I often feel the peace and presence of God, but I know God wants us weaned off feelings and to trust him, regardless of how we feel or what we see. As I chose to believe God, rather than these vague attacks of fear, they happened less and less. Now and again, when completely unexpected, it can happen again, but now I almost laugh to myself because I have seen through the enemy’s lie.

I think God allowed this to happen to stop me from relying on signs, and learn to rely on the truth of his Word, which is permanent and does not change. My mind is much more settled these days. So I praise God that forgiveness is always possible when sought in Christ, and that he has delivered me from my fears by weaning me off a reliance upon supernatural signs or feelings.

There's Still More:
When a Christian Commits Gross Sin

Not to be sold. © Copyright, 2004, Grantley Morris. Not to be copied in whole or in part without citing this entire paragraph. Many more compassionate, inspiring, sometimes hilarious writings by Grantley Morris available free at the following internet site www.net-burst.net Freely you have received, freely give.