At age one, “Girls laugh when urinating and both genders . . . enjoy a bath with older siblings, and they resist being dressed. They like to undress themselves and run naked, especially out of doors, and if left alone, divest themselves of all clothing except their T-shirt, which is beyond their capability. They play alone on waking, and genital play is common . . .”

Two year olds “ . . . love to be in the bathroom with other family members. They still like to be naked; they love to romp, flee and pursue, . . . to taste, touch and rub.”

“In the later half of the third year, the child begins to feel great tension and expresses it through many compulsive patterns, such as . . . thumb sucking, nose picking, masturbation,  . . .

“Three-and-a-half shifts rapidly between extreme shyness and exhibitionism, all in the quest of positive attention.  . . . The intense need for attention, preoccupation with bodily functions, interest and curiosity about reproduction and increased ability to communicate verbally with adults can culminate in a pseudo-mature seductive posture, especially in female threes . . . It is quite common at a party of adults to see the 3-year-old daughter of the host comfortably curled up in the lap or laps of a succession of male guests capturing their attention with her interpersonal magnetism.

“She may even request that her ‘new friend’ put her to bed and may hold thoughts of him and make reference to him for days or weeks after the party. This behavioral pattern is not exclusive to girls, but is somewhat more pronounced, is better tolerated in terms of gender role stereotypes and receives positive reinforcement from the involved adults. . . .

“The potential for sexual stimulation in this situation is obvious, and available data confirms the incidence of pedophilic genital fondling at this age.  . . . The sex histories of many adult men and women contain such experiences that were not traumatic or that caused little concern until the sexual activity escalated beyond looking and fondling or until the situation was discovered and responded to negatively by other adults.”

Of children at the age of ten, she writes, “Girls at this age are often in love with a considerably older boy or adult male. . . . Most children feel that same-sex experimentation is normal and age appropriate, but that heterosexual coupling should be reserved for adulthood and reproduction.”

The above makes it obvious that children act and react in ways that if adults did it, normal adult observers might find it seductive. Abnormal adults who are sexually drawn to children and lack self-control, however, will find the behavior of normal children seductive. Children are oblivious to this unless it is later drawn to their attention, in which case they can be make to feel very guilty about their normal, age-appropriate behavior. As they grow older, they can forget what young children are like and apply adult standards to judging their past behavior. Not realizing that they had been simply acting and responding like normal children, they can wrongly condemn their former age-appropriate actions and feelings as being despicable or perverted. As a result they are likely to mistakenly blame themselves for child molesters criminally taking advantage of their innocence.

Related Page:

Infant Sexual Development

Support in breaking blockages that hinder healing

Bookmark, or note the address of this webpage. These links are so important that you will want to keep returning until you have visited them all.

The Dilemma of Feeling Pleasure When Abused

So powerful is sex that it is almost inevitable that any sexual encounter – no matter how despised and unwanted – will contain elements of pleasure and deep bonding. In an unwanted encounter, these are highly obnoxious consequences of sex but they are such an integral part of sex that they are almost impossible to completely remove from forced sex. This fact is so rarely understood that sex crime victims usually end up loathing themselves or at least being confused and deeply disturbed over what is just a normal reaction to unwanted sex.

Vast numbers of abuse survivors know from bitter experience that pleasure inflicted by a sexual predator can be more damaging than severe physical pain. Some survivors, however, have experiences so different that they find this incomprehensible or even offensive. Experiences differ for the simple reason that abusers differ in their techniques.

If predators are sufficiently skilled, the pleasure they inflict will be sexual. Otherwise – in the case of pedophiles – the pleasure their victims feel will be the gifts they bribe children with or the attention they give love-starved children. Rapists can even force unwilling adult victims to experience sexual pleasure. This very pleasure inflicts horrific, but quite unnecessary, pangs of guilt.

A degree of pleasure or bonding in no way justifies the offender, nor in any way hints that the victim might be perverted or immoral.

The memory of pleasure suffered (yes, “suffered” is the right word) during abuse might currently be suppressed but it could surface at any time. So it is good to prepare oneself by learning about this rarely understood consequence of unwanted sex.

More about this vital, frequently misunderstood subject

Recovery from Sexual Abuse

Supernatural Solutions Many topics covered.

Vent your Anger

What the person who hurt you deserves. The execution of justice on your behalf. Turn hate into healing. A moving, enlightening and therapeutic experience that could forever change your life.

Sweet revenge!

Discovering that you don’t hate God after all

In your pain it was natural for you to lash out at the hideous, unfeeling monster you supposed was God. The God you thought you hated is just a figment of your tormented imagination. It’s time you met the real God – your Healer.

Just as there are things about its loving mother that a tiny child cannot comprehend, mysteries remain when we try to understand the infinitely superior mind of God. Nevertheless, the following webpages will help.

Where was God when you suffered unspeakable horrors?

Why would a God of love allow suffering?

God’s plans for you are comforting, not fearful

Life’s Mysteries Explained

Discovering God’s love for you

Tragically, so many people bungle through life living shallow, wasted lives. Through Jesus we can leave behind a meaningless life of selfishness headed for endless regret. We can choose a life in which every second counts for all eternity, achieving the highest good in union with the God who made you and loves you more than life itself. Life can be crammed with so many urgent things that we forget the really important ones. Don’t let this wonderful opportunity slip from your grasp. Make life’s most important issue top priority.

You Can Find Love: What your fantasies reveal A most significant webpage

The key to supernatural healing Why Christ’s suffering can change your life.

God as Mother Feminine aspects of God. Healing for those whose father let them down.

You are loved When you can’t feel God’s love

Healing from abuse

Release from blaming yourself

Handling guilt is the first of many helpful and encouraging webpages about overcoming guilt feelings. Follow the links.

Overcoming feelings of worthlessness

To God, you are special

Power to escape the trap of bitterness

Should you forgive your abuser?

This most serious, often misunderstood, issue is carefully examined in two special webpages listed below. It is vital for your healing that you read them. So much hinges on this delicate matter.

I am convinced that just as martyrs are especially honored in heaven, so are those who have suffered greatly and yet have forgiven.

Forgiving others is tough. It is so critical to our own emotional and spiritual well being that our spiritual enemy strongly attacks us on this issue. Nevertheless, divine help is available.

People suffering great difficulty in forgiving others usually have as the basis of their agony the (sometimes subconscious) pain of having great difficulty forgiving themselves. The two sides of forgiveness – forgiving yourself and forgiving others – rise or fall together. Many people raging against someone else's guilt are pressured by a subconscious urge to keep suppressed the tortured screams of their own conscience. Peace soothes our troubled mind when we dwell on the extent of the forgiveness and purity that we have in Christ. When we realize how much God has forgiven us, it becomes easier to act more Godlike and have that same forgiving attitude towards ourselves and others. For this reason, I recommend beginning with the webpages about handling guilt.

Breaking the stranglehold of bitterness:

Unforgivable!

Lord, make him regret what he did to me!

Why Me?

Tragically, sexual abuse increases one’s vulnerability to more abuse. The following links explore reasons for this.

Why abuse survivors attract the wrong sort of people Predators hunt the wounded

Why bad things keep happening to some people

Overcoming destructive thinking

Whether it be the desire to hurt yourself, or to hate yourself, or to hate others, it is a temptation.

Becoming a Winner! begins a series of webpages about overcoming temptation. Follow the links.

Memories

When you can’t remember

God has far more healing options than any earthly therapist. He knows your past. He has the power, if he chooses, to heal you without bringing best-forgotten memories to your consciousness. Even under professional guidance, it may not necessarily be wise to try to dredge up painful memories. I suggest you prayerfully seek God’s guidance before proceeding down that path. See Splinters of the Cross for the way one woman found healing.

When you can’t forget

When haunted by memories, or terrorized by flashbacks

Lost virginity

The enormity of God's forgiveness makes all of his children chaste virgins in his sight, but how would a potential Christian marriage partner see you?

Who says Christian men prefer women who are physically virgins?

Lost Virginity Can Be Restored

Handling Depression

Dark Blessings Follow the links.

When you can’t feel God

Spiritual Wilderness Survival Guide

Learning to appreciate your sexuality

It is natural than anyone for whom sex has been a source of suffering would to some extent resent the fact that God made us sexual beings.

Celebrate your sexuality This webpage is intended particularly for singles but could help anyone for whom sex has unpleasant memories.

How holy wives express marital love This, of course, is intended for wives or women close to marriage. There are some useful thoughts there, but expect many of the suggestions to be beyond what you are presently capable of doing.

When You Don’t Want Marital Relations

It might be so severe that you are determined never to marry, or maybe it is just that an aspect of the physical side of marriage makes you feel a little uncomfortable, but an almost inevitable consequence of sexual trauma is a lowered enjoyment of sex. You deserve the full restoration of the ability to enjoy marital relations. There is a web series specifically written to help you:

When a Woman Doesn’t Want Sex

The Healing Secrets of 6 Abused Women

Mary Lee: My Miraculous Healing from Child Abuse

Healing from sexual abuse: A Significant Testimony

For the abused: A Beautiful Poem by a sexually abused woman

Patti Willis: A Testimony of Hope

Mary Lawrence Comm: Splinters from the Cross

Sexual abuse led to substance abuse: I was Gang Raped

Personalized support

E-mail Grantley Morris, the author of these webpages: healing@net-burst.net