To bare all I would have to bore you silly detailing all my quirks and faults that contribute to me feeling a freak. I do not want to afflict you with that, but neither do I want to consciously conceal my faults from you. So I will compromise by touching on a few examples.
![[Man crying]](./images/cry.gif)
Grantley Morris in one of his happier moods?
It is no exaggeration to say that my only reason for living is to glorify the Lord Jesus. I say to my disgrace, however, that often I have little desire to live.
The more we can focus our attention upon the Lord, the more exciting life will become. I have proved this in my own life, but too often I have filled with depression because I don’t follow my own advice. What a superior life I would have if only I more consistently followed the revelations I share in my writings! Prayerfully, the gap will slowly close between what I have written and what I have built into my life.
My strong tendencies towards being a ministry workaholic and perfectionist and a worrier, constantly threaten to push the Lord from center stage in my life. I frequently tell the Lord I want to give him my very best and receive from him his best. I constantly yearn for deeper intimacy with him than I currently enjoy. I feel frustrated and spiritually inadequate over the fact that I can barely discern his whispers to me.
I believe that in his grace the Lord sometimes breaks through and speaks powerfully through my writings, but as explained in My Shame, there is sure to be much in what I write than tarnishes the Lord’s glory and will bring me shame when I see my Judge face to face.
My father died at aged 59, the same age as my maternal grandfather, which is not an encouraging indicator of my genetic potential to live long. Yes, I know, I should not give in to genetic probabilities, but when it comes to positive thinkers, I admire them from the sidelines.
![[Man anxiously looking at watch]](./images/time.gif)
Could this be Grantley Morris?
I can’t bear the thought of waste. I’m a hoarder and stingy and don’t like receiving gifts, which I usually see as also being a waste. Another potential area of waste is time. I am extremely intense. Have your heard of a Type A personality? I must be a Type AAA. I usually feel guilty if I don’t cram as much as I can into every second. I check my e-mail first thing in the morning and work on it until I have to run to the bus stop. While waiting there and traveling to work I scribble corrections to printouts of the latest webpage I’m working on or jot down notes for an e-mail. At every break at work I do the same thing. Unfortunately, these days my paid employment involves staring at a computer screen, which, given the nature of my ministry, is draining. I then rush off to the bus stop and work on my writings until I get home, when I immediately switch on my computer, which until recently replaced was seven years old and not top of the range when I bought it. I then check my e-mail and type up corrections and additions to my writings that I had scribbled during the day. I have my evening meal while watching the television news or current affairs, and then it’s back to the computer. During ‘vacations’ – breaks from paid employment – I usually become even more intense.
Especially during winter I seem to crave sunlight. It helps overcome my depression, but rarely can I pull myself away from my computer to spend a few minutes writing in the sun.
I currently don’t accept donations because I can’t find time to work out the tax implications. I squirm at the thought of making money from my writings, so I support myself by working in a secular job that I find unfulfilling. Part of the reason for my job being low grade is to keep me as fresh as possible for ministry, but a large factor is simply that I lack confidence to get a better job.
In most ministry-related areas I am a perfectionist, but to free up time for this I am the exact opposite in other areas of my life. For instance, I am atrociously untidy and if I try to tidy up I feel guilty about what to me seems to be squandering valuable ministry time.
Most long-term bachelors end up a little eccentric. One look at the way I dress confirms I’ve reached that milestone.
Even though I have always longed to be married, about the worst trauma I could imagine would be having to endure my own wedding ceremony. I’d rather a thousand trips to the dentist. Heights terrify me, but skydiving would be relaxing relative to the terror of my own wedding. A honeymoon has been my greatest dream, but what precedes it is my greatest nightmare.
I could continue for hours, but this sampling should suffice to confirm that it is not without justification that I feel I am weird. If I can achieve, imagine the potential of someone as normal as you!
![[A Pirate]](./images/pirate.gif)
Is this Grantley Morris?
Climax
I long to boast – of the greatness, beauty and perfection of the majestic Lord whose goodness, love and delights know no end. To know him is to love him. Would you have me drain my writings of excitement by focusing on myself instead of the Love of my life? Like a plant, I was created to thrive by looking up to the heavens for light. A plant turned in on itself is in a sorry state. This webpage has distressed me because I have felt forced to wrench your eyes and my eyes off the captivating splendor and wonders of the Lord to focus on me.
If I must boast about myself I will boast of my failings, limitations and quirks, because they keep me in loving dependence upon the most fascinating, inspiring and uplifting Person in the universe. When I draw upon my Lord, clinging to his power, perfection and purity, I have everything I need to excel in every task he has placed me on this planet to perform. It is only when I neglect the infinite Lord and look to myself that I become inadequate, depressed and deprived. He is my Strength, my Joy, my Love. Like a chicken without its head, so am I, without Christ. But never need I be without Christ. With him, I am complete. With him, I triumph. With him, I am a success. You would not believe how wise, holy and supernaturally powerful I am when perfectly united to Christ, my Head. You, too, can find in him wonders that you will cause you to soar higher than you ever dreamed.